I love my children more than anything and would do anything for them, but I feel like I am standing on the edge. I am not reasonable with them. I don't think they are being reasonable with me. I forget quickly that they are 7, 5, 3, and 1. I guess I expect too much. However, I don't understand why I have to ask for something to happen three or four times before it happens. I end up yelling and it is a downward spiral.
I have been comforted by some blog world reading. Last week, Women Living Well wrote about her challenges in motherhood....how it was harder than she thought and how she had to deal with her failures. Boy did that speak to me! She wrote about meditating on this verse:
Cast all your anxious thoughts on him because he cares for you." (I Peter 5:7). I personally love that verse and was glad for the reminder.
I also finally felt brave enough to share my failures with my Good Morning Girls group. I felt safe in what I wrote and did not feel like I would be judged. I was thankful for their kind responses and words of wisdom. One of the girls shared this verse this week and it has been my constant reminder of how I need and want to be.
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. (Colossians 3:12-17).
Lastly, I was encouraged by a section from an online reading I did yesterday. The author was discussing Proverbs 31 and the virtuous wife. I kept thinking about mommyhood as I was reading her article.
We’re all in process, but as you’re in process, don’t be afraid to admit it when you blow it. Know that as you mature and develop and grow in Christ, as you develop this excellent character, that is developing your worth and your value. Nancy Leigh DeMoss from Revive Our Hearts
Well, I have done plenty of admitting I was wrong to my children. I am getting really good at it. I also think it is very important for me to model apologizing to them. How else will they learn it?
So with all this encouragement around me combined with a supportive husband and prayer, I can step back from the edge. I am confident that it will happen. I just pray that it happens soon....really soon! These sweet faces deserve better from me....
|Samuel looking for eggs at the Palm Sunday Easter Egg Hunt|
|Jonah loving the bunny at the Palm Sunday petting zoo|
|Silly face Elena playing in our backyard|
|Emma showing me her "take" at the egg hunt|